I had a reading the other day. I think I mentioned it…maybe not. It only matters because I was told that in order for a particular cord to be cut I needed to see it happen in a trance state of meditation.

How do you meditate? I mean, I have a good idea of how but I rarely find myself in the trance state I desire…or at least in the trance state as others explain it or expect it.

I dance. Sometimes on a whim and sometimes on purpose, but I feel myself lost to the music and no longer stuck in my overthinking. I take long baths filled with salts and oils, surrounded by candles.I get out hot and exhausted and just lay on a cool towel letting my eyes roll into oblivion and again I lose the extra thought. I write. Somehow most things seem to come out in the necessary way when I do this, especially when I sit with no expectation or goal and just let anything flow. I sit, salt lamp and binaural beats luring me into a strange calm with shallow breathing and too many thoughts.

So which of those is the best?

None. Not for everyone, anyway. I think it’s a trap to believe that we can all sit and empty our minds in quite the same way. I know if I lay beneath a tree (or several) on a nice day I fall into an almost sleep like state. I know resting with my feet in the water as the tide rolls in lures me to sleep in an old beach chair. I like silence, if I can have it. A cool room with natural lighting and no one to bother me with their breathing or speaking or thinking. Peace, uninterrupted.

I’m sitting at my laptop, searching for Michael and his blade. So far I have danced, listened, slept, bathed, tried again. The house is noisy with my brother and his work friends. They smell like shitty weed and just ate a ton of the food that was bought yesterday. It’s throwing my whole dynamic off. Internally I’m seething; I’m stuck in the dining room with no space of my own to scream in and no way to kick them all out. I think that nasty old barb cord is pulled, my heart is healing. I aligned my chakras today. I cleansed my aura…yet. It has all left me sensitive. I am wearing protective stones but my ears are ringing with their obnoxious voices. The kitchen I scrubbed is covered in ramen broth, grease, and a filled sink.I don’t think I’ve ever felt so irritated and disgusted. I love my brother, but I also love my mother. This isn’t fair to her. Normally I’d be yelling and screaming.I’m letting it flow away from me, here in my bubble untouched by them, or as close to it as I can get. But their energy is seeping under every door jamb, into every room that I smudged and blessed yesterday.

Sidetracked.

Where is Michael? Please cut this all away. I can feel you here, near me, hearing me and filling me with reassurance. I’d just like for them to leave. All of my nonexistent space feels horribly invaded. He doesn’t treat this like a valued home. He hasn’t had to earn anything or face any real consequences.

I choose now to leave it. I release it. I don’t want it, and I hand it over to my Guides. I feel raw and need an escape. I wish I could nap. I miss having my own walls, my own anything.

Away, away, away. I send it all away. The lies, the theft, the smoking, the debt, the disrespect, the immaturity, the entitlement. I bless you, brother. I bless your heart and every great quality in you. I pray that you grow, that you are opened and healed. I pray that you face the consequences of your actions with grace and dignity.

I release everyone of every harmful bond tied to me. I release myself as well. We are no longer connected, with these words I sever any remaining toxic ties. I release myself from my ex (and vice versa). I release myself from their family. I release myself from certain family members of mine. I cut any and all ties that bound me; I am not your doctor or therapist, I am not responsible for how you feel or act.

I forgive you. I forgive the old ties and desire to cling. I forgive your anger and your lashing out. I forgive your chosen ignorance. I forgive myself for everything.

Lastly, I create my own space. Everywhere I go is my blessed and sacred space, I am in it. I am calm and protected in my own space.

This is meditation. This is active clarity. I am in the moment and oddly enough the strange moment freed me! What will happen will happen, one way or another.

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