I keep expecting something big & poetic,
A wild vision of kinetic energy in motion
A potion, a barrage of emotion
Indeed I am alone in the ocean; not really treading, just barely floating
I came to this place to confront my fear, for some reason I thought it would manifest here
As a demon, as semen, as something unseen
As something once breathing, a liar, or teasing
But I’m sinking in the feeling it’s something less tangible, a little less manageable
And aching to be forgotten! Enticing me to drop it, inviting me to stop it instead of just stopping “It.”
I can’t quit!
The language here is dicey, but my god! The consequences pricey; paying rent to old captors when my spirit is so feisty? Come and fight! You can find me, I’ll be glowing; maybe crying, never slowing.
I am not sorry! I am not. I am not damaged or afraid, I am not weak or less or maimed. I remain, I remain. I am not beholden, or frigid, or frozen by your touch or entitlement.
I am above it! I cut it! Sword of Justice, light as a feather. Borrowed from Michael, you’ll never forget her…I decided to keep her. I’m a KEEPER! I’M A KEY, I AM A SEER, A FREER! I AM FREE, YES! (Angels and guides here) WE FREED HER! WE ALWAYS KNEW YOU WOULD BE HER! (Back to me)
Can you see her?
I am not bad for my existence, or a killer because my kisses are intoxicating
Yes, I may be a temptress
A soothing balm for all your messes, but I refuse to be your Atlas, not required to be your map-quest
And I am not too soft or shiny to call on my mother, Lilith! Crying out for strength and power when you’ve overstepped your boundaries
But…I have risen above lashing out in anger
You’ve trespassed my body and for a while I felt scars rising on my heart, threatening to mark my soul – it is un-mar-able.
I cut away the layers I’d made and found myself reborn, whole!
I will not be praying for you or preying on you or owned by you ~ I do not fear you or fear for you!
I am…emergent? I am emerging victorious, Venus on the foamy shore!
Screaming! Screaming Victory! The tar-heart of Beauregard dripping at my feet.
I am fearless and full, and I see the darkness in myself. I am soft and silly, plain spoken and young. I am ancient and complex, an ocean of ONE.
I am maiden, mother, Crone
I need not do it all on my own
My flow, indeed it is OUR flow! Connected to all the rich blood of my cycle, of old magick, of death, of allure, of black velvet richness.
And that is not – naught in the world is! – exclusive to the closed connotations crafted of fearful expectations and shallow understanding perpetuated by people who can only exist in boxes and segments and liminal spaces.
By knowing this I understand that I know nothing!
Oh! I do not fear the Morrigan, or Lilith, or Kali! I do not hide from myself facets of Hekate! I no longer shudder when I am compared to Her! Ha! To see such power, such fire…such infinite love, to be recognized as a spirit of such…as a goddess of creation and destruction…I find my purpose in their reflection!
I DO NOT RUN FROM LEI NYRA OR ODALÏ, or Circe, or any part/one of me. I do not deny the light of Saint Michael the Archangel in all of his glory or calm silliness. Nothing is conditional and I am infinite!
I do not deny Cernunnos, or Apollo, or Hypnos…but especially Cernunnos, the Hunter! The passionate, wild masculine.
Indeed I need balance that way, I can say it! I trust myself to know it in my presence.
I can be all pieces of myself cohesively…I am and I must be!
I needed to know that together these pieces made a whole, a jewel-toned mosaic, a holy blossom unfolded.
I am crowned! I am worthy and needed, I was meant to be here breathing. Knowing and needing, waiting, seething, leaping! Loving and grieving!
And worked through
I am the conduit, but I choose! I choose who I offer my hands and mouth to, who I push aside molecules for and have to cough back out again.
Undoubtedly I am priestess and keeper of the Celestial Storehouse,
I flip through the Akashic Records at the (any) time of my choosing. It will become (it is) soothing.
I’m no fool! But I’m always delving deeper
Leaping on faith, asking existence to be my teacher and my heart to be my leader.
Until the day I meet the Reaper, until the day I meet the Reaper!
Until the day I no longer breathe here, I will still be here
In the wind and the trees.
I keep expecting something big & poetic,