If I’m being honest, love
I’m a little wanting of
The thrill of forbidden flesh against my own, the taste of running far from home
This wild part of me won’t ever die and I won’t ask her to
Pretty sinner, dizzy spinning in a dirty apartment ; I taste like vodka and cheap riesling, frozen cherries and pieces of a person
Begging for blood and bruises, laughing at your pain and my own
(Most nights like this I just stay home, alone)
Roxanne – The Police
Don’t Stand So Close To Me – The Police
Big Love – Fleetwood Mac
Arsonist’s Lullabye – Hozier
Angel Of Small Death and the Codeine Queen – Hozier
Take Me To Church – Hozier
Leave My Body – Florence + The Machine
Guys My Age – Hey Violet
WANT (Deluxe) (album) – 3OH!3
I wrote this maybe an hour before my absolute favorite, beloved resident passed. I’ve not yet been able to write about the passing or aftermath, but I sort of like this.
Goodbye, old friend. Rest In Peace and wholeness, with cigarettes instead of straws and a sweetheart beside you on the front porch.
I played psychopomp to the pale man
Of shallow breath and gaunt structure
Once a sweetheart of strange kind
Made to haunt this sad enclosure
I called out all the names I knew!
Azrael and Thanatos, Jesus Christ and Holy Ghost
Hecate, brightly guide his way
And may the River Styx be smooth
Kind Persephone offer the ripest of fruit, pomegranates bittersweet
Guide swiftly the spirit, cut cleanly the thread
I shall see you yet, old friend
My love notes are scribbled in pen or permanent marker
Scattered in slanted script on scraps of paper
Scratched into small sticks or
Written on the soft skin of my palm
Earnest and sincere, poetic and strange
I find it quite unfitting to ever sign my name
The five characters don’t add up to my complete soul or the pieces I offer from it
Nor do they give hint of the sorrows you give me solace from
Sweet respite! Won’t you slip over me like a silken sigh, like the peace of resting eyes
Like the sleep one only reaches being rocked by the waves
The serpentine curve of the shore has changed since the time of Lenore
Yes, it beckons sweetly – the sirens, like Echo repeating – that you will love me evermore
There’s a handprint on the wall of
The nursing home hall
And I know that they don’t want to be here any more than I
Dirty charcoal stain
From where he propped himself up
I’m convinced we find our way to souls that understand us
I almost get my fill of darkness here
And they know someone loves them here
Even if the love is tough, no matter if their end is near
I’m stuck somewhere between acceptable and crazy
Not well enough financed to be eccentric instead of lazy
The madness here is one that I can just grasp
Flirting with my sanity, the edges of my mentality intangible even to me
Emotion and sensation come with wordless deprivation
My only possessions a need of expression and bouts of depression
My existence is a strange thing
Fleeting yet immeasurable
Stark but plentiful
Boundless in its possibility but nowhere near infinity
Only infinitely able to reach through time and space (the depth & circumference of my ripples in the world pond)
If I come to understand the navigation of this place
If I make friends with the mirror, with the aging in my face
With the changes in my pace, with my plateaus
As part of a marathon divine race
There’s a new rhythm dripping ink into my aorta
Spreading tendrils through my veins like fresh Ivy on a crumbling wall
The ruins of me are majestic to behold, yea
But the growth I’m going through is a blessing to be told, yea
They’re gonna lift me up!
Into new light, new light
They’re gonna lift me up!
And give me new sight, some fresh fight
My tank was running low, fumes can’t feed the fire
I was getting tired so I called someone higher
Ooh this electric body’s made for storms and raging fire – I am
The Lady Constantine
Here to shatter your perceptions, add starlight to your reflections and then guide you all to heaven
I’m not pure but it’s okay
God & Company made me this way;
dogma has no place in my divinity
If you’re in my vicinity
Come on through my city, we
Third eye seeing
With that new light, new light
We
Heart and soul bleeding for
That new light, new light
I’m holding myself together here
Threadbare
Tiny vodka in the trash bin, secret downtown sin
Trying to capture images of my fleeting feelings in the red brick
In the sunset
In the sidewalk cracks and blacktop
It’s Good Friday
All I smell is the loud Coney Island off the highway
Enticing oil breezing by me, it should be a high day
Hope he doesn’t taste the raspberry burn on my lips
Hope he forgets that I’m not sleeping
Hope I’m as good as keeping it together as I used to be
God knows I can’t keep myself from me
Cadieux pulls at me like the empty cathedral off the freeway
Majestic bass in my chest, reverberating off the windshield and the travelers beside me
Strange caravan, entranced by the smooth scenery of waking trees and marred blacktop
April tugs at my heartstrings, beckoning me back into the ether; child of the veil, come sit in the stardust with us
Smell again of pine resin and rain and laughter
Blood witch, goddess daughter – just say yes
My soul aches to break from the mundane cage and tear through the air
I want to sit up in the empty bell tower and survey my broken window kingdom, legs folded against the cold brick
River wind whipping my hair against my skin and across my eyes
Fearsome bright guardian, night mother, healer, lover
And when I fall through the crystalline pool, back into this un-fey place
I will fold into him for rest
I will let you
I’ve granted permission for you to enter the temple
Make your offering of devotion
It must be sincere and unending, I will know
Leave something unique instead of sweet
I don’t care for honey they way I used to
I’ve lost the taste for mead
Come
And I will pull you into the depths of me
Warm and dark and deep
Alive with everything I’ve ever experienced
Tailored to you
Meant to bless you, my devotee
Be earnest and steadfast and true
A river of nectar will be granted
Undecided stanza:
(Approach me bravely
Meet my gaze as though you know no other would be able to penetrate this aura
Look upon me as the dawn’s first light
Drink of me as a dying man would the gods’ ambrosia)
Dryad on the Wind 